Fan Awards

            Every race meeting has its share of ‘championships’ – such as best jockey, leading trainer, top 3-year-old, etc.  Which is nice, as far as it goes, but it seems to me the racing associations are missing a good public relations gimmick by not giving out awards to the fans themselves for significant achievements.

            Granted, it might be a bit more difficult to keep track of fan accomplishments, but I imagine some sort of application form could be submitted to the track by patrons who feel they have set some sort of record.

            Think of the opportunity for tracks to send out additional press releases lauding individual accomplishments by the patrons, some of which might read like the following:

            “Aardvark Downs announced today the selection of Elwood Ulcer as its Iron Man of the Year by virtue of his having eaten an entire pepperoni pizza in the Club House every day during the recently concluded 82-day meet.  The award, an engraved tray resembling a pizza, was presented to Mr. Ulcer by general manager R. C. Mozzarelli,  The ceremony took place in the intensive care unit of General Hospital.”

            Or:  “Mr. And Mrs. A. B. Railbird were selected as Podunk Downs’ Most Patient Fans of the Year the track announced today.  The Railbirds held losing tickets on 107 consecutive races, breaking their own record of 96, which they set last year.  The string was broken near the end of the meeting when one of their selections was a late scratch, prompting a refund on all tickets sold.

            “The Railbirds, attired in matching bowling shirts that read ‘Joe’s Garage’, happily accepted the award, a silver-plated replica of a tote, during their weekly visit to the County Welfare office, and immediately planned a trip to Sam’s Pawn Shop to celebrate their good fortune.”

            Jim Bentback today received the Unsung Stooper Award from Baytown Race Course for his accomplishments during the years meeting.

            “Mr. Bentback, long an opponent of spiked shoes and covered trash cans, managed to pick up a record 19,374 discarded tickets without finding a single cashable tote.  He just missed receiving the award last year when he found a $2 Show ticket worth $2.20 early in the meeting and unthinkingly cashed it in.

            “The award, a years supply of liniment, was accepted by Mrs. Bentback, Mr. Bentback being unable to hold the carton due to the bandages covering both hands.”

            “Mr. R. M. Wheeler was named today as Gimmick Fields Exacta Man of the Year for his success in cashing 41 Exacta tickets out of 89 races he bet on.

            “Mr. Wheeler, discounting any exceptional handicapping ability for his feat, attributed much of his success to his often used system of boxing every horse in the race.

            “Noting that he had only lost $2,765 during the course of the meeting, he indicated that he was looking forward to the challenges offered by the Super Trifecta to be inaugurated at the track next year.

            “His prize, a $100 cash award, was accepted on his behalf by his landlord.”

            “Miss Irma Soundoff has been named Most Enthusiastic Fan of the Year at the recently concluded Furlong Fair meeting.

            “She was an overwhelming winner, due mostly to write-in votes received from the fans who sit near her, all of whom have requested different seats for next years meeting.

            “All praised her remarkable consistency at screaming at the top of her lungs during the stretch run, no matter whether her horse was in contention or trailing the field by 30 lengths, and the fan who sits in front of her noted that she had set a new record by banging him in the head with her binoculars no less than 17 different times and spilling beer down his back on a remarkable 35 occasions.

            “Miss Soundoff, being somewhat hoarse at the time, quietly accepted the award during brief ceremonies on getaway day at her favorite grandstand bar.”